Relationships

You know, it's the funniest thing about relationships. They can make you care about, even pray for, things that before the relationship you never would have even known existed.

My Dave has been working on a project for a couple of years now. He's pretty much done, but has some important loose ends to tie up. So, I called him at lunchtime today. He said, "My security certificate came through." I cheered with joy and inwardly smiled a prayer of gratitude. This makes me laugh for two reasons: 1. I KNOW what a security certificate is. (If you don't know- don't worry- no one else knows either.) and 2. I actually CARE about the details associated with one. Why? Because it affects someone I love, therefore, it affects me. I want Dave to be successful in his efforts and happy.

The same thing goes with our little one. Dave and I have conversations regularly about Ian's poop. (Poor thing- he will read this years from now and be totally disgusted/ embarrased.) Not that this is interesting in the least, but because it is an indicator of his overall health. We love the kid, so we inadverdently monitor anything that might help us to assist him in being healthy and happy. I could describe for you in intricate deal how Ian walks and many other things about him.

Thus is the story of relationships. When we love a person, we open ourselves up in so many ways. We learn to care about all of the aspects of a person that build the texture of their character. We learn about their hopes, dreams, thoughts, cognitive struggles, philosophies, physical health and development, emotional health and development, knowledge, history, fears, and relationships (current and past). And in learning about them, we add texture to our own souls.

Ahh. What a delicate and beautiful thing a Whole person is. How important is it to appreciate that soul. How crutial not to rip apart the texture, for those holes are the most difficult to mend.

Holiday Magic

You know, when I look at my little boy. I can't help, but realize how Christmas and everything else in his world is magic to him. I remember as a little one. It was all magic!

Parents were magical. In my mind, they were perfect. Maybe I didn't understand everything they did, and I certainly protested when I didn't agree, but deep inside I truly believed that they were always right. I had no idea that 1/2 of the rules they imposed were completely and totally arbitrary. Nor did I have any idea about how much effort they had to put in simply to make our home, clothes, and food exist. These things just existed- or didn't exist. Poof. It appeared. As child, our home, clothes, food, etc were simply there. Cognitively, there was no connection between their existance and anything else. In this way, our home was magic, my school was magic, my teachers were magic, my parents were magic. My teachers simply were there at church. (They didn't have to work all week, take care of their homes and families, somehow squeeze in time to prepare for their lessons, then get themselves and their families ready for church, drive to church, and then come to teach me. Nope. They just poof appeared and taught a lesson.)

And Christmas. Wow! You just couldn't get more magical than that! You walk down stairs Christmas morning and Woah.... Thousands of lights (or so it appears) glisten before your eyes. A whole room full of presents arrive for you to enjoy. WOW!!!

Now, as an adult, gifts no longer magically appear. We work really hard to acquire them for our loved ones. Magic is replaced with dedication and sincere love. I think this is what our little munchkins are all about. To remind us to enjoy the magic! To remind us, that we, too, are little children. And this whole mysic universe is a gift. A gift from a loving Heavenly Father. Sure, It will be a long time from now before we understand the effort he put into all of it. But for now, I think he would appreciate it if we would just stop skurrying about, breathe in and out, and thank our Father for those lungs, and this world, and WOW! How did he do all of this! What an amazing Christmas present! It's magic to me.

First Birthday

Ian's birthday party was really a lot of fun! They say that a child's first birthday is more for the parent than the child. The child won't remember it anyway. Maybe that's true. I donno. But for us, celebrating his birthday wasn't so much about creating a memory for him, but truly a CELEBRATION. We adore our baby boy and are thrilled about the changes and the joys that he has brought to our life. Our lives changed in the hugest of ways when he was born. We treasure every day with him. I guess that's the point, not to create a memory that he won't remember anyway, but to begin the habit of stopping the rat race for a moment- and treasure the most important thing there is in life----- LIFE! The love and happiness that one life (in this case an incredibly active little munchkin) brings to the rest of us.

None the less- his birthday was big fun!!! My best friend Janine and her family came. She made his birthday cakes. A football and baseball for the group and an exact replica of his favorite ball. It was really incredible! Her kids are incredible. They are 8-11 years old. They ADORE Ian. They were so sweet to all the kids there. Melissa Buckner is his nanny for the semester. (We have been close friends with she and her family for a good 5-6 years now.) It's really nice to have her around. She's incredible. She did a large part of the decorations. She blew up these really cool 4 foot long squiggly balloons. The kids LOVED them. She got him lots of balloons. One of Dora the Explorer. He loves Dora. He's been hugging that ballon ever since. It's almost life sized- so it's about twice Ian's size. Sarah (Melissa's sister) and her son Nathaniel came. Nathaniel is now almost 2. He had SUCH a great time! He had a great time playing with Ian's toys and Ian and the Moses kids. My superviser, Becky came and brought her little girl Lily. Lily had a great time with the Moses kids. They must have played with those ballons for 3/4 of the party. Morris and May came too. They just got back from a trip to Japan and were quite tired, but it was good to have them there. It was really just a lot of fun.

Janine gave Ian a little bike. It's awesome. He's too short to reach the pedals, but it's got a pole on the back to push him with. Wow does he love that thing! It's perfect. She really adores Ian. It's such a blessing to have such good friends who treasure my baby like I do.

New Bike

First Birthday Bash

Click for pictures of Ian's first birthday party.

Watching the Washer

Having fun staring at the washer.

From now on, click on the iPod icon to download the iPod version.

Tickle Time

Ian being tickled by his mom. iPod version here.

Saying Hi

Here's an adorable video of Ian being Ian. He's just having fun and, as always, trying to get to the camera. Sorry it's a little bigger than I like to make it (3.4MB), so please be patient while it loads. Also, for those so inclined, there's and iPod version here.

Greyson

This is Ian's friend Greyson. His mom works with April (also three days a week) so they like to get together for play dates.

Mohawk

The other day Kileen gave Ian a mohawk. It was so cute, we had to publish it.

Ian's Ball

Ian loves his ball. He takes it everywhere. Once he gets it in his hand, he doesn't let go. He'll hold onto it for hours. It's really cute. Last week, during Sunday School, he learned how to throw it. Because the carpet is so much thinner in the church building, it actually bounces. He had a ball (wink, wink). I ended up having to take it away when it almost took the Sunday School teacher's head off.

Personality

To quote an old song, "He's got personality." And boy does he. Ian is quite a little explorer. He loves to see and learn about everything. We thoroughly enjoy watching him just be himself. Earlier I pulled out an old plastic ice cream bucket. He must have played with that thing for like 30 minuites- listening to his own echo.

In psychology, they talk about the "goodness of fit" between a parent and their child- how well the parent's personalities fit with their child's. I feel pretty grateful for a kid who fits us and vice versa. I look at some parents I know- they really truly want their child to "just sit there and behave". (Which is just fine- for the record.) Those parents would never appreciate our curious, adventurous, stair climbing, everything-on-earth climbing, speed of light moving, talkative, perfect little boy. But those are the very characteristics that make us enjoy him so much. We think those kids who just sit there are boring and are glad they get to be with their own parents-because they are a good fit. Thank goodness.

mmmmaaaaaaaammmaa

Ian is practicing his mama. It's really cute. Of course, he uses it for mom, food, and lalalalala (just blabbering), but the Ian adoring Speech therapist in me can't help but ham it up. Dave claims it's a real word. I'm not convinced yet, but I'm sure loving it!

Adoring

You know, I just cherish my time with our little boy. He's really an amazing little boy. Sweet kid. he just cut his first tooth yesterday. (8.5 months) You know, that's gotta hurt. I noticed that he was a little bit grumpier than usual and a bit more clingy, but nothing particularly viscious. I just find it remarkable that he can stay so pleasant in spite of it all.

I just appreciate that little boy. What a joy to have such a sweet little munchkin crusing around the house. He's VERY active, "into everything", and quite the little explorer boy. We love it!

People keep telling us, "Oh no, you'll hate it when he starts crawling. He'll be into everything." Well, he is crawling and he is into everything, but we love it. It's just fun to watch him explore. To watch the wheels in his brain turn as he inspects everything around him meticulously. Analytically evaluating each curve, each sound, each motion. Sure it requires a more careful eye to keep him safe, but what a joy! I just enjoy each and every day with him.

I really belive that's the best thing I can give my son... parents who adore him. That was the gift my mother gave me. She adored me. She believed I was smart and kind and wonderful. She called me her "pride and joy". I've spent my whole life trying to prove her right. I was willing to overcome any obstacle to prove it.

I feel the great need enjoy him everyday and teach him the things that will help him to be sucessful and happy in the future (For the moment... "pulling up the carpet is unacceptable behavior"). My mother only managed to be with me for 9 years. I guess I feel the great need to I live my life so that if he only had me for a short while, he would have the kind of self-esteem and inner strength to make it through. --- To choose what's right, stand up for what he believes, then look deep inside, reach his potential, and then give back to the world and to his own family.

Personality development

It's nice to watch his little personality develop. When he was first born he had absolutely NO patience. Bless his heart, he only wanted two things, "Food and Go!" If he lost his place when he was eating, he would scream until we helped him find it again. (Which often required 3 hands.) "Go!- ing" was very important to him. Stopping at a stoplight did NOT qualify . When we stopped at a stop light, he would wail until we started driving again. If we put him in his car seat, we had better be leaving that very moment. If someone forgot something, we would have to drive around the block while the other person ran in. I was ok with all of this realizing that impatience is crutial for newborn survival. (He really was quite an angel kid, even then.)

But now- when I look back- it amazes me how much patience he has developed. We can now put him in his seat and THEN load up the car for several minuites if need be. He will just play with his toys. In every way, he is just a lot more patient.

It's neat. His self-awareness has increased as well. He now knows when he is tired. If you lay out his blanket, he will crawl right to it. When he's done eating and ready to go to sleep, he will turn over in your lap. Then you can put him in his bed awake and he will just relax and wiggle around until he falls asleep.

He's really a good communicator. Dave said in Sunday School, Ian got hungry so he "asked" to get down on the floor. Dave let him down and he crawled right over to his bottle. He figured out how to get his needs met. What a remarkable change!

"No"

Ian is now quite mobile. He now navigates at will through 3/4 of the bottom floor of our house. It's really a lot of fun to watch this kid! Bless his little heart. He's quite a little explorer. We love that about him! However, with absolutely NO safety awareness, we have to keep a close eye. Of course this has forced us to quickly ready up our "baby proofing". We've purchased baby gates, plug covers, electrical applicance cord covers, and cabinet door thingys. We don't have it all done, but have the most crutial spots covered. (At least we THink.) In spite of this, there are some things you can't just make unavailable such as the border where the tile and the carpet meet. He's figured out that he can pull that up all by himself about a week ago.

You know, I'm impressed though. I was terrified when I saw him start that. I thought this was something that would take months to teach. (Not to compare him to our ferrets, but we still have to keep an eye on them after all of this time and dilligent training.) Amazingly enough though, he's figured it out already. It took about 20-30 "no"s, about 4 relatively-gentle hand slaps, and 10-12 glooming over the shoulders, but the kid now just halts slightly and moves onward. What a sweet kid. We sure like him.

The first of a million lessons. I don't mind a bit. I like him. And I like to watch him learn. What a sweet little guy.

Playing With The Mirror

High Resolution Photos

There has been a request for higher resolution versions of some of the photos posted on the blog. You can download a zip file with all of this year's photos here. Be aware that it is over 76MB, containing 72 photos, many of which did not make the cut for the web page. Enjoy!

Playing with Mom

Johnny Jump Up!

Just Bein' Ian B'Nian

Chillin' With Kileen

Pulling Up

Ian pulled himself to a stand today, using the couch. I think he was somewhat surprised that it happened. He started out on his knees, and then pushed with his hands. But instead of sliding back, he ended up straightening his legs. He looked over at me, opened his eyes as wide as they would go, and gave me the biggest smile he had. I think that was the first time he'd ever done it.

Holding His Own

He loves to hold his own bottle. He also likes to hold his own spoon while he's being fed, but that doesn't work out quite as well.

Crawling

Ian is now crawling in the traditional sense: moving both hands and both knees in sequence. He's still pretty slow, but he seems to be enjoying the freedom and exploration. He doesn't go on the tile, I think because it's too hard, but he always gets right up next to it.

Courage vs Security

In psychology, they talk about how when a child is beginning to explore the world, a baby will go out and explore, then they will come back to home base (mama) to develop more courage, then they will go back again. I never realized then how fun it would be to be that home base, he will be having a good time playing, then he will crawl over and climb up in my lap. As a mom, I feel both proud of him for having the courage to go and explore and nothing less than thrilled sincere joy when he makes all the effort to crawl back. I just can't help but pick him up and laugh with joy. I adore that kid!

Warning!!!

The following 3 audio posts (actually done before this post) contain incredibly cheesy mama-baby songs. Do no listen unless you are prepared for less than optimal singing straight from the heart of a silly little mom.

Ian B'Nian

Ian- Boo Boo- Bucka Bucka

Waking up with Mama

First Swimming Trip

Here's his swimsuit. He looks buffed. Sorry it's a bit out of focus.

Twinkle in his eyes

Rolling Around

Yesterday morning we set the camera on its tripod while Ian was playing on the ground. We got about 30 minutes of footage, but he moves slow so we sped it up 16 times the original rate. It's a pretty funny sight. Then April did a voice-over commentary. This one is a little bigger than the rest, about 5MB, so please be patient while it loads.

Podcast

I love my TiVo. In today's world it just seems silly to think that my viewing should be dictated by a broadcast schedule. There's always something to watch, especially because it records suggestions based on my viewing habits.

One of the things I love about TiVo is its constant upgrading. Whenever there are new software updates, they're automatically sent to my TiVo. The other day I received another update. Included in this update is a new podcast program. It's great because I can listen to podcasts from the TV, which is often much more convenient than the computer. They even have a great directory to help you find podcasts. I didn't previously know it, but a lot of my favorite NPR shows have podcasts.

Podcasts have been around for quite some time now, but seeing a podcaster on TiVo has made me realize that they may be a lot more prevalent than I thought. As such, we've decided to add podcasting to NewYorke.org.

You can hear the audio files directly from our website, or point your favorite podgrabber (TiVo, iTunes, iPodder, &c.) to:

http://www.newyorke.org/rss.xml

Piano

So Ian likes the piano. Me- I can't play even the simplest of church songs. I've never had a lesson. But I like to try, so I have a keyboard. Well-Ever since Ian was a week or two old, I take him to it for as long as he is interested. The moment he gets bored, I take him away. It used to be about 2 seconds. Now he's up to like 10-15 min before he gets bored. He really likes it. It's just fun to watch him. I'm assuming in a few weeks, he'll decide it's baby stuff and no longer be interested, but as for now... Why not? Maybe he'll like it. It's a great cause and effect toy.

Our little migrater

WEll, the little boy is thinking about crawling. Not suceeding yet in the traditional sense, but more migrating across the floor. He can now travel a good 10 feet or so- between rolling and slithering forward, he is getting quite mobile. We'll glance away- look back- and then he'll be 2 feet away. He's quite a lot of fun to watch.

He's just started to play with toys over the last couple of weeks. It's funny. He went from NOT INTERESTED. Too VERY interested. I just love to watch him when he's playing. He gets this look on his face like, "Hmm. What's going on here?"

Slobbery Smooches

Ian will put ANYTHING in his mouth- including your face. (Nose, forehead, cheek bones, chin.) For the first few weeks, I wrote it off as just that - the "putting everything in your mouth" faze. A couple of weeks ago, however, Dave mentioned that he thought this was a kiss attempt. To be honest, I didn't believe him at first. But I'll be darned- It's true. You should see it. It's really cute. He'll be sitting on my lap, then suddenly lean over- suck on my cheek for 1.5 seconds and then move on with life- leaving my cheek quite slobbery and my heart smiling. As Dave put it. That kid gets lots and lots of kisses. It only makes sense that eventually he would immitate us.

You should see that baby boy's greetings! He must be bridging into object permanance. (Maybe he doesn't remember that you aren't there, but he know's something's missing.) The other day, I came in from work. And like so many days- His blue eyes just lit up and gave me the HUGEST smile. My heart lept for joy! As Dave puts it, it's like suddently he sees you and realizes that you are familiar. And he just lights up. He is elated! He produces a smile so big it takes up half his face. He yelps out the most excited cheer. You just can't help but hug him and cherish the moment. You just want to hold on for forever- while you still can.

My parents are on the other end of this Parenting thing- they are in the process of "emptying the nest" so to speak. That day seems so far away, and maybe I will feel differently when the day comes, but right now, that seems like the most miserable thing on earth.

I just feel like I need to treasure every moment, because one day he will grow up. And while, of course, that is and will be my wish. I think with every step there is just a little bit of grief for the time that has past so quickly and those joyous moments- those vibrant and colorful memories- that I fear might fade into the backdrop of my life.

Measurements

Here are the stats from the doctor:

Weight: 13lbs, 8oz (25th percentile)
Length: 26" (90th percentile)
Head: 17" (75th percentile)

Talking with Papa

We got this adorable clip of Dave and Ian chatting. Those two are just too cute. Ian's just loving that new voice of his.

Turning Over

This video is about a month old, but it's still cute! He has just learned to turn over from his belly to his back. Since then, he can also go the other way around. We've just closed off a DVD, so I should soon be posting the greatest hits.

Falling in love

Having a new baby is so much like falling in love again. I always knew that I would love my child, but I never could have imagined how much. I adore that kid! I just stare at him for hours. There is nothing that kid does that isn't cute. He is just so beautiful to me!!! It's like falling in love all over again. Only this time- it's not nearly as scarey. I guess it's just easier to have someone depend on/ need you than to need another person. When I look back, I almost laugh at how scared I was the first go around. What a blessing to have two people I can love so completely. What a blessing to have a baby boy. I adore that kid more than I ever could have imagined.

Return to work

I went back to work when Ian turned 6 weeks old. I work at a brain injury rehab in Galveston. I love my job. It is a great job. I work 3 days a week and am home 4. It's really a great situation. We have a nanny who is in the ward (church congregation) next door. She comes to our home the 3 days that I am gone. She is wonderful. She is kind and truly loving towards Ian. Basically, Ian has three caregivers instead of just 2. He loves his Kileen and she loves him. She started work about 2 weeks before I went back to work so that I could teach her about Ian, his routine, his personality, and his needs. I slowly left her with Ian for longer periods of time. By the time I went back to work, I was completely comfortable leaving Ian with her. We are so grateful for her love and kindness.

When I went back to work, I was a little concerned about how I would arrange pumping during the work day. Not too concerned- I have my own office and can just lock the door- but it still requires the support of my supervisor. (She's always supportive, but you always wonder.) I had a fear that she would try to get me to work full-time because they are under-staffed. (Which I will not do.)

When I went back, I was overwhellmed with people's love towards me. I must have had 40 people ask me about Ian and how he was doing, telling me they missed me and were glad I was back, and telling me I looked good (I needed it). I can't tell you how much I appreciated it. It was really the best situation I could dream of. My boss gave me her absolute support with regards to pumping at work and working part time. I went home that first day exhausted, but with a heart full of gratitude.

My new smile

Ian started "working on his smile" right before Thanksgiving. It was really cute, he would open his mouth wide with his lips minutely puckered- then pull them back into a smile. He would do this over and over. Those pictures of his smile at Thanksgiving are some of his earliest ones. Well, he has gotten pretty good at that smile. Sometimes he gets it confused with sticking his tongue out- Dave always sticks his tongue out at Ian. Ian imitates him. Then Dave smiles. Because the smile always followed- Ian got the two confused for a few weeks. It was quite cute!

Well. Within the past few days, Ian has started something new- he smiles AT you. He will be looking around, notice me or Dave, make eye contact, and produce the biggest, brightest smile. If we weren't already in love with the kid- that would surely seal our fate.

Physiology

I find it amazing how much basic physiology is designed to bring families together. When I am away from Ian I miss him. But I miss him in a different way and more intensely than I ever could have imagined. You see, as a breast feeding mother, I NEED my son. I am physically uncomfortable when I am away from him too long. (Uncomfortable is a severe understatement.) Because that pain is driven by the same hormones that drive my emotions, I literally miss him both physically and emotionally. At night, almost every night- I dream that I am feeding him. I wake up soaked and literally think that he is in bed with us. I can't get back to sleep until he wakes up to eat. My point is.. Physiology makes it so that I miss him. I need him as much as he needs me. Maybe this is what they mean by "the ties that bind". I recently realized just how much this parallels a husband's need for his wife (and vice versa). I guess the Lord knows what he is doing. He has done all that he can to make sure families love and care for one another.

Mary's Lullaby

One of the "joys" of having a new baby boy is middle of the night feedings. Experiencing these for the first time during the Christmas season makes me think and ponder on the thoughts and feelings of Mary and her baby. I find myself singing the words, "All mine in your loveliness, baby all mine. All mine in your holiness, baby divine. Sing on hearld angels in joyous sublime. Sing on and adore, for tonight you are mine." It's almost crazy, but I treasure those moments. I don't even mind being up in the middle of the night. I guess I am gone just enough during the week- that when I am home- I treasure every moment with that little boy. He is just so beautiful. Little by little, he will grow up. But tonight, he's my little baby boy and I am grateful for every moment.